I realize more and more at how I seem to never be able to settle down... I can't be calm. I'm always chasing something in terms of learning/reading/or doing something positive...
My negative is that I drank more than I should have in my early/mid twenties.
I sometimes feel I know more than others. Maybe I do? Maybe I don't? I feel I am a quick learner however. That I will not have someone or something keep me down and that I can do better than anyone. I THINK that this mentality has always kept me pushing forward and got me out of the neighbourhood I grew up in. My constant inner passion to be and do better has been like a personal performance monitor that helps me to be my best.
At one time I felt that I needed to be the best at what I did before I could work in that domain. I thought people who were in power were perfect. Now I come to realize more and more how people are far from perfect and how one can push forward regardless of their knowledge level. It's more about the ability to learn the required material, or the knowledge of required material, that counts.
I see people in positions of power and sometimes wonder how they attained that position? I wonder how people can go about living without wanting to know everything! I've always been such a curious kid and wondered and asked "why" to pretty much everything. My Brother Kevin has been such a STRONG influence in my life and answered so many of my "whys". He provided me with an electronics book. I learnt how resistors and capacitors worked. I took apart VCR's and looked at how it worked in detail. I took apart stereo systems and TV's. I watched my brother and family members dismantle cars and put them back together. I learned about history, about corruption of oil (oil war), about IBM and the world war, conspiracy theories, how solar panels work. How to write software, how to decompile software, how to write web pages, take proper pictures, the rule of thirds, composure, silence, proper posture, proper sitting, proper eating, proper cooking, proper organization. I watch people so that I can optimize their actions. If a person is always looking for a plate, I'll place plates in a way that they become easily accessible. I watch and read people all the time. People don't realize how their little movements mean so much. I also know how to dance, about rhythm, how to make music, how the 80's cartoons were MUCH better than current cartoons on TV. :-)
I did not learn how to love someone properly however. My mom was too consumed with offering me love, that I looked everywhere else instead. I love my mom, although she's sometimes seems crazy. I know she must mean well?
That's not to say that I don't know how to love, although I did not know how to properly be in love and in a proper relationship. I thought it was ok to just "be together" and do "separate things". I realize that in my last relationships I don't think I really ever provided that for my SO's. I was in the relationship but never "committed" to it in a sense? I would be "happy" that the other person was around, but never really pushed forward towards any other goal. I did much of my own thing and never of a "we" thing. I think I figured I "had" the person, and then went off chasing another high... I would never go forward with the next "high" but enjoyed the feeling it had brought about.
I'm in a relationship now that has more of a path and more of a goal. I'm much more committed to it. I had a brief stint where I was like I was in my past, however that's now changed. I still believe in doing separate things, I guess now in a more balanced way. I still believe in just "being together" however, I also believe there should be more than just that.
As a side note, I do miss a friend who now lives far away. I'm super glad he moved to Holland, however, we both had shared a passion for learning stuff and just talking technical about anything... Those conversations, were always fun, and will always be enjoyable. We used to talk about literally nothing, back in the day... At times just being on the phone, completely silent for extended periods of time while we were both programming... I know that we've helped each other get to where we are today and hopefully to some place better in the future. He helped motivate me to get to college and has always provided good advice.
Today, he's doing amazing. I'm in awe at how much he's done! Just yesterday he told me about how he and 3 other guys closed a deal at his work that will bring the company 1.5 million euros! Maybe he will get 1.5% of that money? He said he'd try, and i'm hoping he gets it. They developed this in like 2 months, while other solution providers could not come up with anything after 1 full year!
It's Tuesday, i'm at work, i've written too much... lol I will followup with more later...
All that to say that life is super interesting. Everything about it is interesting... and I have and have always had a passion to just do everything.... lol
My negative is that I drank more than I should have in my early/mid twenties.
I sometimes feel I know more than others. Maybe I do? Maybe I don't? I feel I am a quick learner however. That I will not have someone or something keep me down and that I can do better than anyone. I THINK that this mentality has always kept me pushing forward and got me out of the neighbourhood I grew up in. My constant inner passion to be and do better has been like a personal performance monitor that helps me to be my best.
At one time I felt that I needed to be the best at what I did before I could work in that domain. I thought people who were in power were perfect. Now I come to realize more and more how people are far from perfect and how one can push forward regardless of their knowledge level. It's more about the ability to learn the required material, or the knowledge of required material, that counts.
I see people in positions of power and sometimes wonder how they attained that position? I wonder how people can go about living without wanting to know everything! I've always been such a curious kid and wondered and asked "why" to pretty much everything. My Brother Kevin has been such a STRONG influence in my life and answered so many of my "whys". He provided me with an electronics book. I learnt how resistors and capacitors worked. I took apart VCR's and looked at how it worked in detail. I took apart stereo systems and TV's. I watched my brother and family members dismantle cars and put them back together. I learned about history, about corruption of oil (oil war), about IBM and the world war, conspiracy theories, how solar panels work. How to write software, how to decompile software, how to write web pages, take proper pictures, the rule of thirds, composure, silence, proper posture, proper sitting, proper eating, proper cooking, proper organization. I watch people so that I can optimize their actions. If a person is always looking for a plate, I'll place plates in a way that they become easily accessible. I watch and read people all the time. People don't realize how their little movements mean so much. I also know how to dance, about rhythm, how to make music, how the 80's cartoons were MUCH better than current cartoons on TV. :-)
I did not learn how to love someone properly however. My mom was too consumed with offering me love, that I looked everywhere else instead. I love my mom, although she's sometimes seems crazy. I know she must mean well?
That's not to say that I don't know how to love, although I did not know how to properly be in love and in a proper relationship. I thought it was ok to just "be together" and do "separate things". I realize that in my last relationships I don't think I really ever provided that for my SO's. I was in the relationship but never "committed" to it in a sense? I would be "happy" that the other person was around, but never really pushed forward towards any other goal. I did much of my own thing and never of a "we" thing. I think I figured I "had" the person, and then went off chasing another high... I would never go forward with the next "high" but enjoyed the feeling it had brought about.
I'm in a relationship now that has more of a path and more of a goal. I'm much more committed to it. I had a brief stint where I was like I was in my past, however that's now changed. I still believe in doing separate things, I guess now in a more balanced way. I still believe in just "being together" however, I also believe there should be more than just that.
As a side note, I do miss a friend who now lives far away. I'm super glad he moved to Holland, however, we both had shared a passion for learning stuff and just talking technical about anything... Those conversations, were always fun, and will always be enjoyable. We used to talk about literally nothing, back in the day... At times just being on the phone, completely silent for extended periods of time while we were both programming... I know that we've helped each other get to where we are today and hopefully to some place better in the future. He helped motivate me to get to college and has always provided good advice.
Today, he's doing amazing. I'm in awe at how much he's done! Just yesterday he told me about how he and 3 other guys closed a deal at his work that will bring the company 1.5 million euros! Maybe he will get 1.5% of that money? He said he'd try, and i'm hoping he gets it. They developed this in like 2 months, while other solution providers could not come up with anything after 1 full year!
It's Tuesday, i'm at work, i've written too much... lol I will followup with more later...
All that to say that life is super interesting. Everything about it is interesting... and I have and have always had a passion to just do everything.... lol
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